I’m not about to let myself go.
I’m not about to stop wearing makeup or dressing nicely or styling my hair each day.
I’m not about to relax my standards or let my children get away with things they shouldn’t.
I’m not about to stop being a friend, a daughter, a mother.
I’m not about to stop having dreams.
I’m not about to stop learning, growing.
I’m not about to stop sharing.
I can’t just give up.
I can’t stop moving.
I can’t change who I am.
I know some of these things will change.
I know someday soon I won’t have choices about what I do each day.
I know there will be a day I won’t have hair to style again.
I push myself too hard each day.
I feel I am in a race against a clock.
I must pack as much into each day as I can.
I am in constant motion,
Like a summer child waving her arms to keep the mosquitoes away…
I dance and thrash and run away,
Looking for a place to escape injury where there is none.
I can’t control so many things about having metastatic cancer.
This feeling is one of the hardest things about this disease.
But those things I still can?
I’m holding on tightly onto those,
And I’m not about to let go now.