July 18, 2009
I went by my friend’s house today– the one who was just diagnosed with breast cancer. I wanted to put something in her mailbox. When I opened the mailbox it was full of mail already. She hadn’t taken in yesterday’s mail yet.
Of course she hadn’t. Why should she worry about mail when they are worrying about cancer and what it means for their family?
I left the bag in her mailbox on top of the day-old mail and went away, remembering:
Remembering that time in my life two years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer.
I managed to get the kids where they needed to go (I have no idea where that was).
I did the things I needed to do (I have no memory of what they were).
I went the places I needed to go (I can’t remember where they were).
There is no room for anything else in these days, these days in the beginning.
There is no room for anything else except to hear the words again and again,
as if you need to convince yourself that they are true: “You have cancer.”
There is no room to
do anything,
think anything,
say anything,
be anything,
fear anything,
hope anything,
dream anything,
live anything,
love anything,
breathe anything.
In these days there is no room for anything but cancer.
But these days will pass.
You don’t believe it.
Can’t believe it.
But it’s true:
these days will pass.
Your life will change.
You can make room for other things,
better things.
And once again,
there will be room in your mailbox.
You will remember to get the mail because you won’t be thinking about cancer.
You’ll be thinking about the things you should be thinking about,
that you deserve to be thinking about.
Each day.
Every day.
Today
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Our friends’ daughter was just diagnosed with leukemia. When she is able to think about things like mail, I will point her to your blog.
It was like that for me when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It was hard remembering to do the ordinary things. Then when he died, a lot of things got missed. But, no doubt, it would be much worse when the diagnosis is your own.
Thank you for reposting these for those of us who missed them the first time through.