The strangest thing someone said to me about cancer was…

February 23rd, 2011 § 68 comments

When you (or a family member) are diagnosed with cancer people say a lot of insensitive things. It may be intentional or it may be just because they are caught off-guard and don’t know what to say to you. They ask bizarre questions, and often do bizarre things.

Sometimes you laugh.

Sometimes you just shake your head.

Sometimes you get angry.

But rarely do you forget.

So, today’s question is: what are the weirdest/craziest/most bizarre/most insensitive things people said to you/did to you while you or a family member or friend were going through treatment for cancer? Or died from it?

I have a few notable ones, but I’ll start with just one to kick things off. Someone asked me, “Is cancer what’s going to kill you? I mean, could you die from something else?”


§ 68 Responses to The strangest thing someone said to me about cancer was…"

  • This makes me howl with laughter now.

    A few days after my diagnosis there were about five of us commiserating in my office. Or, the others were commiserating and I was still in shock. One of my friends remarked what we all now realize, that one in eight women would be diagnosed with breast cancer in the course of her lifetime.

    “OH GOD,” one of the more dramatic women said, “WHO’S NEXT?”

    You are, I thought.

    One of those impossible to forget moments.


    • Lorrie Woods says:

      As a 22 year Survivor of Stage 3 Cervical and Ovarian cancer. ….I just wanted “join in”, with those who HAVE walked in my shoes.
      “Who’s next?”……my God , you didn’t share your shock and pain…. , to have ” friends basically MAKE THIS ABOUT THEMSELVES. ”

      At this point in my life. … my view is that of all Survivors. ” I may have Chemo Brain, but you’re stupid. ” 🙂

      Rehoboth Beach , Delaware

  • Karen McClure says:

    “Well, you’ve been needing a vacation for a while and now you get lie around and read books all day. What could be better?”

  • JoAnn Kirk says:

    Karen, that is shocking!!!

    Someone called me after seeing my blog about how sick I was from the chemo, how awful I felt, etc. She said “Well, do they think it is going to do any good?”

    I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying “no, I am just doing this for fun!”

    • Karen McClure says:

      I wonder if any of these stumble tongued people go home later and think, “what the hell did I say???”

  • Cristina says:

    When my husband’s beloved Grandma B was diagnosed with breast cancer we were devastated, especially when she found out that the reason it spread so quickly was because she had smoked so many years ago — the cancer had just run right to her lungs and all throughout. So technically, she had lung cancer first and then breast cancer. Anyway, my husband’s other grandma said upon hearing the news, “Well, that’s why it a person just should not ever smoke, it’s a selfish thing to do and it doesn’t matter how fashionable it was in those days, now look at the mess she’s in.”

  • I was told,” At least its not on your face where everyone could see the scars, besides you don’t really *need* your breasts anyway” How was that supposed to make me feel better?? I had to laugh- need and want suddenly became very intertwined.

  • Pamela Carlson says:

    A new-agey friend asked me if I had been really angry about anything 7 years before my diagnosis that I had repressed. (What had I done to cause my DCIS?)

    I did not harm her.

  • Colleen Lindsay says:

    Honestly, nobody has ever said anything that I thought was insensitive. I have a lot of friends who said things that I thought were hilarious, however. My friend Juliet, who accompanied me to my first meeting with the breast surgeon, named my tumor “Murray” and then proceeded to address my boob as Murray for the rest of the day. It was pretty damned funny. A work colleague, upon finding out that I would be undergoing chemo, got very excited and said he hoped that I would be bald by Halloween because if we drew a squiggle on my forehead, I could dress up as Charlie Brown. I actually snorted coffee out my nose at that. (Sadly, I was not bald by Halloween, so our plans were for naught.)

    • Rob W. says:

      I’m glad that you thought these things about “Murray” and baldness were funny. I would imagine that most people in a similar situation would have been extremely put off. As they say, “Different strokes for different folks.”

  • Ann Gregory says:

    I was advised to write a letter to my husband detailing how much I loved him so he could have something when I died. Chris was standing next to me as I was being given this little chestnut. He almost had an Incredible Hulk moment.

  • A ‘friend’ of mine stopped by the house about 2 days after my mastectomy to see how I was doing. She was barely in the door and looked up at me (I was in the upstairs hallway) and asked “So, do you feel lopsided?” A woman with no filters from brain to mouth obviously:)

  • Robyn says:

    I nursed my one of dear friends through the last 16 weeks of her 5 year cancer battle. I got to live at her house and take care of her and be with her (she was on hospice care and morphine drip). She was such a classy lady and she taught me all I know about human dying. The last few days she was in a deep coma and one of her friends asked me “do people in a coma fart?”. I was just floored, rather gaped at them. I had not noticed. Thanks for reminding me of my special time with P – she passed over with her hand in mine and I miss her terribly… WHAT A GRAND LADY 🙂

  • Susan says:

    Yes, those New Agey types are great. One said to me the day after my malignant melanoma diagnosis: Maybe this will help you evaluate all the things you need to change in your life.” Um, like staying out of the sun?!?

  • Keep ’em coming. I appreciate all of your stories! I’ll add some more of my own soon…

  • Shari Lentz says:

    Last year I had part of my cervix removed surgically for PRE-cancerous cell growth. I was at home recovering from surgery and still had days to await the results of whether or not I had clear margins, etc. Those days that drag on and you just wonder and hope. My mother in law came over with dinner (nice) and then proceeded to stand there and tell me about every person she knew with cancer, how they died, and how their families went on. I finally just had to shut her up and tell her to QUIT TALKING ABOUT CANCER. So insensitive.

  • Nigel Legg says:

    A friend came to visit me in hospital when I was in intensive care during my treatment for lymphoma. I was nearly paralysed, groggy, in bed, on multiple drips. He was impressed by the two PCs for the monitoring gear, then asked which of the drips was morphine.

  • Knowing I nursed and lost both parents to cancer, a friend confided in me her father had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. I offered words of comfort and pointed out how far cancer treatment and survival rates have come since the loss of my parents. I thought my words were helping soothe her until she blurted out, “You wouldn’t understand. I LOVE my father and can’t live without him.” This cut me a few ways but mostly by insinuating I somehow didn’t love my parents enough and now that they are gone, I can do nothing to change that.

  • kathy says:

    I’ve had plenty of comments since I decided to not cover my baldness. This outs me as a cancer patient in a pretty public way. The hardest to predict are those comments from strangers. “Do you have cancer?” From a child, “Are you a girl or a boy?” !?! Those are humorous. Some people just blurt things out. “Good thing you traveled already.” “My breasts are bigger than yours.” Those are puzzling. I try to just think as these times as opportunities to interect. The best one ever was “My, your head is beautiful.” Can’t beat that!

    • Colleen Lindsay says:

      Kathy –

      I also chose to just go bald instead of wearing a wig or a scarf, mostly because the steroids they put me on made me have hot flashes on the top of my head. I tried a scarf for about half a day, sweated my brains out (i think almost literally) and decided to just adopt the Mr. Clean look instead. I never had anyone made the connection that I was a cancer patient, however: most people I encounter just assume I’m a man. Especially women. It was weird.

      I was more fatigued when my chemo ended five weeks ago than when I began. I started making an art out of snagging subway seats on crowded trains because I have a 45 minute commute and I just can’t stand up that long. More than once, if I snag
      a seat and there are a couple women standing near me (Women my age – 48 – or older) I get the look of death from them, rolled eyes, deep sighs, muttering.

      Once I heard something about how I should give up my seat to a woman. (I would like to remind these women that we do live in the 21st century – LOL! – nobody deserves a seat on the train just for having a vagina!). This amuses me to no end, to be honest and it is always women who are the problem.

      Additionally, when I go out in public, it is women who persist in calling me “sir”, not men. It’s just weird!

      Sometimes I meet bald men and they just smile and say “Hey, that’s a great look on you!” and we both have a laugh. But men rarely mistake me for a man in public.

  • Nellie says:

    I had uterine cancer. A “friend” -an ER doctor – said the surgery would be just like a caesarean. After 2 of those, I thought no big deal. WRONG. She also said “if one single solitary cancer cell escapes from your uterus into your body, it’s all over.” When questioned, my gyno actually said incredulously, “What a STUPID thing to say!!!”

  • Cristina says:

    After reading all of these I have mostly decided that there are some people who should just not be permitted to speak. I am floored.

  • Marilyn F says:

    This wasn’t said to me but a friend who had had DCIS, the same breast cancer I had, when she went to a cancer walk. She was in the survivor’s line for her hat. The woman behind her asked what kind of breast cancer she had. When she answered DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ), the woman said to her, “that’s not even REAL cancer.”

    As someone who had DCIS, with 1 infection and pneumonia post-op (fever of 103) which they thought was a post-op infection, 6 surgeries in all counting 2 lumpectomies (didn’t get clean margins the 1st time), all I can say is it is not a competition. It’s all hard to go through. I didn’t have chemo but I had more than my share of complications.

  • alison says:

    When my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was a wreck. My (now ex) husband got tired of it really fast and made a rule to confine my sadness to one day per week: “you are only allowed to cry about this on Fridays.” If I felt like I absolutely had to cry Sat-Thur, I had to do it in private. Needless to say this did not improve my mood.

    Flash forward 4 years later: My mother has recovered, and I ditched the insensitive creep. Thank goodness on both accounts.

    • Rob W. says:

      Somehow I’m not surprised that he isn’t your husband anymore. Anyone who treats a spouse that way seems to be begging for a divorce.

  • patricia petersen says:

    This really made me think when one day riding in the car something about cancer and chemo was memtioned on the radio and I commented to my husband how hard chemo could be on a person…He turned to me and said”you didn’t have chemo.” I had had with the help of my daughter 6 weeks of chemo along withlots of radiation for cervical cancer….He continued “your hair didn’t fall out.” From that day forward I knew what a complete jerk I had married….

  • marci says:

    the worst thing said to me was right before i was to have a new lump checked out. i was a 7 yr breast cancer survivor at the time, with 3 children ranging from 14-8 yrs old. when i told a pastors wife i was worried about the lump, but was most worried about my children if i got bad news, she responded, “oh, they will get over it. you’d be surprised how quickly. i know i got over my dad dieing in a year, and i was about their age”.
    felt like someone kicked me in the stomach.

  • heidi says:

    HA! I wrote a blog about this too, and spun it with a sense of humor. people are crazy! here are mine:

    “WHAT are you doing in the ladies room? Oh wait, are you a girl?” – yes, if you are 6 feet tall and bald, people assume you are a boy and a basketball player.

    “Gosh, I thought chemo was supposed to make you lose weight” – this one actually came from a habitual dieter.

    “Really, a partial mastectomy? What side?” – from a gentleman who wasn’t looking at my eyes. ‘Gentleman’ term used loosely.

    “It hardly looks like you are wearing a wig!” – hardly? I sort of look like I am wearing a wig?

    “Get the purple wig, that will be the most fun” – never take advice from a 10-year-old theater buff.

    “You look tired. I mean, I have never seen anyone look like that and still be mobile” – friend. No, really. Someone I actually consider to be friendly.

    “They say if you are having a boy, your backside will get really big. I think you are having a boy. Maybe it’s just the chemo.” – from someone who, if that rule applied, would be carrying quintuplet boys. For several decades.

    “Do you feel that now that you have lost some of your femininity?” – medical students. God love ‘em, they really do want to know everything.

    “Come on, one little drink won’t hurt during chemo.” – Oncology nurse. Not kidding. She was plastered at the time, so that one shouldn’t count…

    “Um, did you see that one supermodel who had cancer? She still looks really hot. Really. She doesn’t even look like she ever had kids, either.” – I don’t even want to tell you who said that one.

  • Lisa Adams says:

    This one was added by Denise (@sunnysocal) on Twitter today: “Skin cancer? That’s like not even a cancer.”

  • cathy b :) says:

    These are cancer related so I hope they count.

    When my mother passed away after battling oral cancer and breast cancer, someone had the gall to ask ‘Did she suffer?’ after they heard she has died. Really????? Why exactly do you need to know that?

    I ran into a friend at a local store while buying something to wear for my mother’s wake and funeral. Said friend asked me how I was doing. I told her that my mother had just passed away. She said ‘Oh’. Nothing else.

    Nearly every person I told about my mother’s death felt the need to tell me about some relative of theirs that had passed away and how awful their death was. First of all, I truly have no interest in hearing your story. Second, why do you feel the need to ‘trump’ my mother’s passing with your story???

  • marci says:

    i THOUGHT the dumbest thing said to me was about 10 yrs ago, when a pastor wife said that my then very young kids would “get over it quickly”, if i passed away, because she did, when she was their age, when her dad died.

    but i think the very stupidest thing was said to me recently, a few months after treatment ended for a recurrance. i was out to eat with my youngest son, now 16, and ran into an acquaintance. she said she’d given it a lot of thought, and wanted me to know that there were “perks” to dieing at early age, in case i did. i’m 47. (and feeling fine by the way, and had just told her so.) but she proceeded to tell me 3 of “the perks” if i were to die early. one “perk” was that i wouldnt be the grieving spouse, another was that i had already parented “through the fun years” and wouldnt have to see my kids make bad life choices, and the other one….oh, i wouldnt have the aches n pains that came with old age like she was experiencing.
    she was “sincere” and had “thought about it”, and is a nurse!! just blew my mind.

    i’ve just decided she definetly wins the stupidest-thing-ever-said-to-me trophy in my own personal contest…

  • Ana Gomez says:

    Hi all,

    I can’t believe how insensitive people are in general. I can understand sometimes people say those things because they’re caught off-guard. However, in at least 80% of the cases, people say something -usually, the first thing that comes to their minds- just because they “feel” like they have to say something. Well, in my honest opinion, it’d be better if they just shut up.
    If anyone told me they had cancer, I could bore them with all details about losing my mum at a very early age to breast cancer, but I just decided not to say nothing before gauging the mood of the other person…


  • Hendel says:

    I was about halfway through my chemo, so bald and down about 50lb from my usual ~300lb, when I was complimented by someone in the elevator at work on my new look and how effective my new workout system was.

  • Rory says:

    The most insensitive thing that was said to me, several times actually, was “Did they get it all?” I was 21 at the time and just received a partial mastectomy. Too young to be dealing with breast cancer and too young to be asked that question over and over. I know they were just concerned, but geez. I think I just ended up saying, “Well I hope so!”

  • Sandra says:

    A good friend who prides herself on being anti-Western/traditional medicine, upon hearing of my diagnosis and upcoming surgery, said, “What happens if you don’t do anything? Just wait and see.” I said, “Well, I could do that. And if I die, I guess that was the wrong choice.” Recently, when I had tried to discuss the spectre of recurrence, she told me that mammograms probably have a lot to do with causing breast cancer. (The implication being that I had already doomed myself through my slavish devotion to Western medicine).

  • Willie says:

    After my diagnoses… One of my friends asked me “How long do you have?”. I said “I don’t know… how long do have?”

  • 1. Random stranger on the street: Do you have cancer? Me: Yes. RS: How long do you have? Me: –
    2. On telling peripheral people (e.g. hairdresser, or friend of a friend) of my diagnosis, they proceed to tell you that their uncle/cousin/friend’s mother had cancer and then that they died. I guess they are trying to make a connection and it’s the first thing that pops into their head, but I really did not want to hear about death at that time.
    3. An email from a friend of a friend (a homeopath) telling me that breast cancer is caused my a negative relationship with your own mother. This is definitely not the case!
    4. People asking me if I knew how I got my cancer (and then offering me something to read about some “natural” therapy they have heard about or are selling).
    5. I fully got sick of hearing the words “positive” and “strong”; so much so that I banned my family and friends from saying them.

    I am sure that some of these people think about what they said afterwards and feel like idiots. I know I wouldn’t have known what to say if a friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer.

  • Katie Graef says:

    “its good your mom is dead….. because shes not in pain anymore”
    “I’m jealous, shes in paradise and im stuck here”

  • Karen says:

    When my ex’s Dad died from his cancer, our neighbour (who was a really kind — I thought — older man who was really like family, he was very involved with us and our family) pulled me aside and said, “People choose their sicknesses. He chose to have cancer by not managing his negative energy and he chose to die by not fighting.” I was like, “WTF?” I honestly don’t think I talked to him again after that point. Any comments about fighting (implying that those who fight get to survive and if you die, that automatically means you weren’t a good “fighter”) make me stabby.

  • Patty says:

    A few weeks after my chemo ended, I was talking to a friend I hadn’t heard from in a while. He took in the information and then made a comment about being glad that I was “still kicking.” I wasn’t sure how to take that.

    Someone I know has pancreatic cancer. She didn’t suffer too many adverse effects throughout chemo which was fortunate for her. Her daughter, who knows I went through chemo all a year earlier, made a comment that her mother must have a particularly strong constitution because she didn’t have trouble with side effects. Ya, unlike like the rest of us weak wussies who who were knocked out by chemo! I knew that she was grasping at any tiny sign that her mom might experience a full recovery so I kept my mouth shut.

    The mind-bender was delivered by an acquaintance who recommended some German Dr who believed that breast cancer was related to conflict. Cancer on one side indicated a conflict with a child and the other side a conflict with a spouse. Resolve the conflict and the cancer goes away. Whaaat?!

    Oh, and there was the “friend” who had to make sure that people who barely knew me were aware of how great my wig was. If they hadn’t noticed that it was a wig, why point it out to them?!?!

  • Lindsay says:

    Hi Lisa and everyone else,

    I’m afraid this is a little off-topic, but on the flip side, I have a friend who currently has cancer. She’s 25 years old, with stage four ovarian cancer. She’s had both ovaries removed and been through chemo and radiation. They knew the treatments wouldn’t work but she had to go through them to qualify for an experimental treatment that she’s on now. I don’t know the name of it, but side effects include acne and mouth sores that make it hard to eat. She does say it’s easier than chemo.

    She’s a good friend but not a close friend (she’ll be one of my sister’s bridesmaid next summer). I crocheted her a get-well blanket, which she loved, and I see her occasionally when she comes to Toronto for treatment. She’s extremely positive, at least outwardly, but otherwise unemotional. She tells everyone that she’s happy to hear any suggestions for alternative treatments and has altered her diet and lifestyle in an effort to try anything and everything.

    When I do talk to her, I try to follow her lead, just asking how does she feel and what do the doctors say and what can she expect, etc. But now I’m afraid I might say the wrong thing! Does anyone have any suggestions?

    Come to think of it, I do have something to add to this conversation. A few months ago, I was with a friend and mentioned that I was making a blanket for my other friend, and briefly explained her condition. The girl, without hesitating, said, “So she’s definitely gonna die then?”

    I haven’t talked to her since.

  • sharon says:

    After losing uterus, ovaries, breasts one “friend” asked when would I be ready to deal with the internal emotions in my life before cancer killed me. It took all my strength to now kill her on the spot.

  • Meg says:

    Sometimes the “positive” comments throw me a curve ball. One friend tells me that I am her hero. I don’t believe going through the BC encounter is heroic just what has to be done to survive.

  • Misti says:

    A dear friend and I both lost our mothers to lung cancer while they were in their 50s. My mother smoked, her mother did not. Somehow it drove both of us equally nuts when most people asked the question.
    I think this is why: Blame does not help. Nobody deserves cancer. I’m convinced people sometimes are looking for a way to distance themselves from what frightens them, to believe their “correct” choices will protect them.
    I know there are times that I’ve said the wrong thing, too, out of fear and a perceived need to say something, anything. Believe me, when you know you should have kept your mouth shut it haunts you. Forgiving those who were out of bounds with my mom has been the only way I know to make up for it. That and trying to remember I have two ears and one mouth for a reason.

  • Megan says:

    I think one of the hardest was when my MIL sat in the room with my husband, (who has lymphoplasmacitic cancer, ie: treatable not curable) and in front of he & I along with our three kids age 15, 13 & 7 and announces, “I just can’t take it anymore! My son has cancer and I love him!” Yeah, like our children’s father has cancer & my husband- and we love him too!

  • Megan says:

    Oh yes, and I cannot understand why so many people ask the craziest things in front of our kids,
    “It IS CURABLE, right?” (They always ask this one loudly for some reason?!
    I stand there with my mouth open & inside I’m screaming, “IDIOT, I know you mean well but my kids are ultra-sensitive to any talk about their Daddy!”

  • CJ says:

    I was a high school senior when my father had cancer. He was in the hospital on the day of a scary surgery when the phone rang and a woman on the other side began sobbing, “He’s dead, I know he’s dead! I’m so sorry!” I hung up on her, sure something had gone terribly wrong and my mom, who then received a hysterical phone call from me, was hiding it until she could get home to tell us in person. Turns out he’d been moved to a different room, and his visiting friend assumed the worst after he wasn’t on the floor she expected. We couldn’t believe she would call his home and terrorize his kids like that!

  • Lee says:

    My worst? The “substitute” radiation oncologist who said, “you’re young to have cancer.”
    I have alopecia as well, and have had periods of complete baldness. Some people refused to believe it was not chemo induced

  • Kimkim says:

    After finding out my husband’s cancer was terminal, someone said to me ‘you will be fine. Even though I have a husband and he is working but I have never used any of his money all these years (I have managed to acquired a few properties)’

    Until then I just assumed that their marriage was ok and needless to say I never again confide in her.

  • Simon says:

    People try to say things that they think can help you, the worst for me is that’s positive or stay positive, also why to people disappear, they say they don’t know what to say, just be the same as you were before you found out, make them calls, stay in contact, it really makes a difference.

  • Hannah says:

    My younger sister died at the age of 32. She had learning disabilities and had been ill for a long time.

    Most people were kind and tactful, some were not. My aunt’s husband said that he ‘guaranteed’ that, in a year’s time, my parents would be ‘relieved’ that my sister had gone. I still can’t believe he said that.

    His wife just prattled on about something unrelated, completely dismissing the sadness of my sister’s death – clearly, she had more important things to worry about.

    It’s been ten years since she died and I have never felt any relief, just sorrow and loss.

  • Tai says:

    I was recently diagnosed with Stage IIa breast cancer on one side and DCIS on the other (a surprise) so I’m scheduled for bi-lat mastectomies in less than a week. Unrelated, I also have huge fibroids that make me “look 5 mos pregnant” (my gyno’s words) so there’s a hysterectomy and removal of overies in my future. (I’m sorry for the long setup but it does lead to a point…) I usually choke up and say, “Let’s just take away all of my female organs!” Upon hearing this, practically everyone (doctors, nurses, and people close to me) have said, “You don’t need those things anyway!” Plastic surgeon said she would give me “much better looking breasts!” (Sorry, folks, I’d rather have my original equipment, even if they are unnecessary or repulsive to you.)

    My future mother-in-law is constantly comparing me to her triumph over throat cancer. She tells me repeatedly that although “they gave her the worse chemo there is” she “did not lose a single hair!” She also tells me to “just get those things taken off (as opposed to lumpectomies). I wouldn’t want to worry about getting it again!” I just think to myself, “Ummm… you didn’t tell them to just remove your larynx so throat cancer wouldn’t come back.”

    She now tells everyone about my cancer, even strangers on the plane, and feels this is somehow divinely orchestrated. She says, “What are the chances that I would be sitting next to someone whose sister also had cancer?” (Well that would be 1 in 8 and since you’re telling everyone…) She also compares notes with all of her friends who had or knew someone with breast cancer. For instance when I mentioned I would lose sensation in my breasts, she came back to me days later and said I must be wrong b/c her friends had sensation in their breasts. She usually ends our phone conversations with “Be positive! That’s the most important thing to beating this!” I know she means well. She’s coming down to help me during my recovery but I will have to practice a lot of tongue biting.

    Another person, started off that she would LOVE to come down and visit me (I didn’t ask her to) but maybe she will come down when my future mother-in-law leaves because the weather is much nicer in FL and she has been wanting to go to Busch Gardens! I interrupted her and said I would not be well enough to go sight-seeing b/c of the chemo. She was totally surprised that I would be having chemo. Perhaps she also thought the mastectomies would “cure” me?

    I haven’t even had the surgery and chemo yet…

    • Lisa Bonchek Adams says:

      I am so sorry; unfortunately I really can imagine someone saying these things. Really… So many of us “get it” — I wish you the best medically for surgery and hope you can find some support that will be what you need from friends (?) or other people. It’s amazing what people will say and think.:(

  • Tai says:

    Thanks Lisa,

    I went to a support group recently and it was immensely helpful. I made several new friends that evening because they “get it.” (One did say cancer was her gift b/c God would not give her more than she could handle. I’m glad that works for her.)

    Which is why I really appreciate your blog – it’s real, honest, and not full of “rah rah” that is trying to find meaning. Breast cancer sucks. I’m mourning the upcoming loss of my breasts. I’m afraid of the pain, IV’s (major phobia), and side effects. However, many women have endured it. I’m both amazed and encouraged by that… as so by you.

    Thanks again,

  • Claire says:

    Morning everyone
    Just diagnosed with invasive duct carcinoma and undergoing the full range of tests to see what else. Wierdest response so far from MIL is constant hand wringing, asking how I am (not started treatment yet so is just the emotional rollercoaster), followed by perhaps you will feel better when you’re actually ill! Errr ok then

  • mike vezina says:

    Stupid comment of the day for me came directly from the front desk receptionist at the cancer centre who when checking my health card, looked up at me, then back at the card and said, “boy, do you ever look different.” Not a great way to start the visit.

  • Levi says:

    I’m 17, so most of the people I’m friends with are immature and ignorant, and they say a lot of dumb things. 6 months into my hospital stay, my school decided to throw a benefit and donate the profits to American Cancer Society. My old friend Cass (who’s a typical asshole) thought I was the one getting the money. His words (and I quote) were “What are you gonna do with the money? Buy a coffin? More depressing baggy cancer-sweatpants?”

    I guess he thought he was making a joke??

  • […] and add to the list. Some of these come from the comments the last time I discussed this topic (here). At the bottom you will find a link to the post I did on suggestions about what TO say and how to […]

  • Helen says:

    I’ve had quite a few strange things said to me, but one of the funniest was after my hair started growing back. I had gone to church and was in the aisle slowly making my way to the exit, when about 5 men I know from church encircled me. They had big smiles on their faces and all said “we want to know how you did it.” It was then that I realized that they were all bald or balding and wanted to know how I got my hair to grow back. It was so funny and really touching. That is one of the really good memories.

    While on being bald, one of the best things about losing my hair was when my mom would kiss me right on the top of my head. I was 51 at the time, but man did I love that. I figured that only babies usually get to experience that feeling. That was another wonderful memory.

  • Virginia says:

    Some one told me to stop complaining bc I have terminal cancer and have lost everything even my family and friends my home everything

  • Virginia says:

    The man I thought loved me dumped me last week he didn’t love me unconditionally.he wanted me to change .my family has abandoned me bc they cannot watch me suffer.i am getting home care heart is shattered so bad. I just. Want peace nothing else.

  • […] and add to the list. Some of these come from the comments the last time I discussed this topic (here). At the bottom you will find a link to the post I did on suggestions about what TO say and how to […]

  • Utah says:

    So, there was a close friend of ours, who lives just 5mins away. Me and my husband are only 33yrs old now, both active, healthy. He comes one day, we told him, “we recently diagnosed with lung cancer IV stage”. He says, “I had guessed you had cancer”. I was shocked by his response. Really?? You’re not a doctor. Even Dr took 1 month long to diagnose it and you are telling me you guessed it? Such a negative energy lives 5 mins away. What good we expect from you? People are stupid. They don’t know how to talk.

  • Fahad usmam says:

    How about, if I feel someone kidnap Me, rape me, rape my wife, kids and rape money, and I feel like begging death, every second get 1000 needles and haven’t seen kids and what will you do to that person if you find out my pain fahad usman 0430580014, I am in pain, please help I need justice.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

What's this?

You are currently reading The strangest thing someone said to me about cancer was… at Lisa Bonchek Adams.