Walking side by side

May 2nd, 2013 § 25 comments

I have my father’s walk,
A slow, deliberate, long-gaited stride.
I have my mother’s smile, her voice, compassion.

I can’t yet see myself in my children,
I wonder if it is always that way.

I remember as a teen the day I actually could match my father stride-for-stride,
My smaller feet dwarfed by his size 13 shoes.
I remember thinking I was a grownup then.

I was wrong, of course.
I had no clue what being an adult was.

I learned.
Yes, I did.
I yearn to go back to those days,
Perhaps I was not carefree but I was taken care of.
Knowing my parents were in charge,
I felt safe, protected.

Now I am a parent in charge,
I must be ready.

My children try to match my steps, still unable to.
I yearn for the day they can.
I hope I will be beside them when they are old enough to mirror my stride.

Not just beside them in spirit.
That’s not enough.
I want more.

When they think they are grownups
I want to be there too.

Tagged , ,

§ 25 Responses to Walking side by side"

  • Beautiful words, beautiful thoughts. I hope you get what you want.

  • Patti Villers says:

    You have a wonderful way with words, Lisa.

  • I, too, hope you get what you want. I know that hoping or willing it to be so doesn’t mean it will be, but I have to believe that the collective consciousness of those who read your blog and are sending comforting and healing thoughts up and out to you, can make a difference. There is power in positive energy.

  • Chris Jones says:

    What a wonderful mom you are Lisa. I too sincerely hope your wish comes true. You are an inspiration to all of us who read your blog. With love and {{{hugs}}} for the future.

    • Melissa says:

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  • Jan Hasak says:

    Beautifully put!! I love your writing style.

  • Shari says:

    Your posts leave me at a loss for words these days…..but I SO enjoy reading them and trying to feel what you may be feeling….love you!

  • Paul Blais says:

    Wow. So tender. So longing. You have a way of capturing the very thoughts and feelings of those of us wading through these murky waters of cancer. As you move ahead of the rest of us and tell us of the struggle you are giving hope and insight and demystifying. Thank you.
    I wrote on my blog this past weekend about wanting a new story for my life (http://paulblais.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-question-why.html). I read your story here- the story of your childhood and the longed for story of a future. “I want more.” I hear you. I want it for you also.
    Wishing for more with you,
    Paul Blais

  • Beth Gainer says:

    This one made me cry. Lovely. Beautifully poignant.

  • Shelley Carder says:

    So poignant, Lisa. Sending you thoughts of strength and serenity.

  • Kim C says:

    I want more for you too. Thank you for your beautiful words.

  • I pray you are there to walk beside your children. Thank you for writing. I subscribed. I want to read what you write. I want to read every word that comes out of your typewriter.
    My friend shared your post on facebook. I will share as well.

  • Sarah says:

    Hi Lisa, Powerful post (as always). I miss you so much and hope that I get to see you this summer. I may not always comment or tweet with you but I never stop reading your words or thinking about you and your journey! Sending you love, Sarah

  • lizzy says:

    thought of you on my walk today. always check in to see how you’re doing. you are amazing! sending love, strength, hugs! xoxoxo

  • Dana says:

    May God bless you and your family. In a small way I can understand what you are going through – my sister has pancreatic cancer; her 40-year-old daughter, who has three young children, has metastatic breast cancer. I truly believe in a loving, beautiful God who loves you and wants so much for you. You are in my prayers.

    • Lisa Bonchek Adams says:

      That’s great you believe in a loving beautiful God. I’m an atheist and if there is a God I find it hard to believe that what is happening to me and my family is what’s “best.” How you can say that to someone with a terminal diagnosis is beyond my comprehension. Please believe whatever you like for yourself (and your family) but it doesn’t fit with my belief about what is going on in my life. Of God wanted so much for me, this could not possibly be it.

      • Leatrice says:

        Per Accademia dei pedantiapprezzo molto ciò che fai, a condizione che le tue fonti siano eslunsivamectea) la tua cultura enciclopedicab) vocabolari / enciclopediese usi una query in google da 5 secondi netti apprezzo molto meno (penso che la maggioranza degli altri commentatori la pensino come me).

  • Amy says:

    Thank you, Lisa, for your clarity and honesty. My kids are older than yours, but when it looked like I had cancer, the one thing I felt the most was that I wanted to live to see them established in their lives and to see them have children I would get to know and who would know me.

    Cancer is not a gift. It is awful. We deserve long lives of health and happiness but we don’t get to choose what comes. All we can choose is how we deal with it. That said, we can’t always be courageous or cheery, nor would that represent the real struggles of having a serious illness.

  • Beautifully thoughts

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