I’m going to be bringing over many of the posts I made when Barbara Smith Adams died on September 16, 2009. I find myself crying reading my words again… reliving those confusing, tragic, raw feelings that I had when I first got the news. I want to have those posts here on the new site; eventually the old website will be taken down. These pieces are some of the ones I am most proud of. Perhaps that sounds odd to say about writing that came from grief. However, to me they are a documentation of my love for a woman I was privileged to call my mother-in-law. I had nineteen years of knowing her, and they weren’t enough.
Every day something makes me think of her.
It might be the necklace I wear that was hers.
It might be my daughter’s round face which looks so much like Barbara’s.
A milestone for Tristan,
a family gathering,
any holiday,
my spring garden,
a pretty set of linens,
a family vacation,
Colin’s essay about making snow ice cream with her…
it’s anything.
I think of her all the time,
and I cry.
Last night I posted a piece asking “Do your friends read your blog?” and was thrilled to read all of the answers (if you haven’t commented there, please do). I’m very interested in this subject and it’s spurred another question (as most good questions do).
Published authors: do your friends and relatives buy and/or read your books? I don’t presume that buying equals reading. I am interested in the relationship between social proximity and likelihood of purchase and reading.
Did your mother buy 50 copies and give them out at Christmas? Did she expect you give her free copies instead? Did your friends rush out and buy it or did they figure they’d been there along the way and didn’t need to? Does it depend on what kind of book it is? Did they buy it but then not actually read it and figure they showed support by purchasing?
What about Facebook friends? Twitter friends? Local friends?
Looking forward to hearing your stories on this one.
Some of my friends read my blog. Some of them don’t.
My mother reads regularly. My father only reads if I send him a specific link or if my mother tells him about a post. He says it’s often too hard for him to read my posts– they are too raw, too personal. It’s a window into my suffering and he doesn’t want to see me experience so much pain.
Some of my friends find it educational to read about the experiences I’ve had whether it’s to learn about me or learn about the subjects I write about. Some friends find it an easy way to keep up with me in the midst of our busy, family-filled, hectic lives. Friends that live far away subscribe or check in every so often to catch up on how I am and what issues are the current focus of my attention.
But what about those who don’t read the blog at all? I have many friends who don’t. There are many moms I see on a daily basis that don’t even know I have been writing here for 3 years.
One of my closest friends said she almost never reads it because she wants to hear it all from me in person. She wants the opportunity to hear about my thoughts and activities without having to learn by reading on a screen. To her, it’s almost like snooping on my life when she would rather knock on the front door and come in for a visit.
For other people, I think it’s just not their cup of tea; my writing style, subject matter, or format just aren’t appealing. They might like me, they just don’t like this.
There are other explanations, of course, but I am interested to hear from those of you who have blogs: do your friends and family read it? Do they comment to you about it/bring the topics up in conversation? Are your feelings hurt if friends don’t read your work? And does your spouse or partner read your posts? Does he/she comment? Bring it up at the dinner table?
I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this topic.
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