Lisa Bonchek Adams

What if I hadn’t gone to the gynecologist on time for my 6 month post-partum visit?

What if, during the breast exam, when my left breast felt “different” (no lump, no real reason, just “different”) my doctor had dismissed it as post-nursing irregularity and told me to come back in 6 months for another exam?

What if, when I called to schedule the mammogram (only 18 months after a clear one) and they said it would be a few months for an appointment I had said, “Okay”?

What if I hadn’t called my doctor to tell her that’s how long it would take and ask if that was acceptable?

What if she’d said “yes”?

What if I hadn’t opted for a double  mastectomy?

What if I hadn’t gone for a second opinion on chemotherapy? What if I hadn’t gotten a second pathologist to review my slides?

What if that didn’t happen and I didn’t find out with that second look that I actually had invasive ductal carcinoma in one breast, in my lymph node, and dysplastic cells in the other breast?

What if I had decided not to do those things? Where would I be now?

What if I hadn’t been assertive, perceptive, inquisitive, impatient, and willing to do what it took to get answers?

I probably wouldn’t be alive. Or if I were, I’d be spending my time treating an advanced cancer.

Not blowing bubbles with Tristan today,
Not praising Colin for his schoolwork,
Not planning Paige’s sleepover for tomorrow.

I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the things I enjoyed today.

But I am here.
I was able to be with my family.
I was able to help others.
I am able to look to the future with hope.

And for that, I am happy.

leave a reply (11) § permalink

Some days I say to myself, “Enough with cancer.”
Some days I say, “That’s enough. No more.”

No more thinking about it.
No more doing.
No more helping.
No more advocating.
No more educating.
No more communicating.

But then I say, “There’s still so much to do.”
There’s still so much to say.
There’s still so much to hope for.
There are still so many who suffer.

And so I am pulled back in,
Writing, talking, sharing.

Some days I want to talk about anything but cancer.
But I remember this is the new me,
This is my new life.
This is who I am.

And as long as there are others who come after me,

I will do what I can…
to hear,
to help,
to hope.

leave a reply (14) § permalink