Remember me pretty,
Remember me whole.
Remember me the way I am today
While friends still honestly say, “You’d never know.”
Let me tell you:
It’s not what it looks like,
It’s not what it seems.
Those times are long over,
Now I am on my own.
The beggars have all ridden.
My wishes: horses gone.
I float above it all,
Watching as I do.
Surrounded by people,
Feeling so alone.
Head down,
At the stoplight tears come,
A young man pulls up next to me
Glances once… twice…
With an engine rev, he’s gone.
I hide it pretty well, you see.
They say, “You look so good,”
“You are so strong,”
But in the space that’s in between
I fall apart
I kick and scream
I claw and grab on for dear life.
Because really,
Truly,
What is happening here:
Choice is gone,
Chance is Queen,
Luck will run right out.
Everyone placed their bets?
Let’s see how far we can go.1
- Despite the emotional tone of today’s post you will be glad to know, as I was, that bloodwork today indicates that my tumor markers have remained low this week. This lends more credence to the theory that the higher dose of chemo I’ve been taking for the last three weeks is working again after the cancer was developing resistance to the previous lower dose. So, in essence, it is a two week reprieve, a push of the “pause” button [↩]
Link to Twitter
This is your second song. xo
You and Neil are so awesome. That’s how this one started: the first two lines were the first two of my next song start. Thank you so much.
There’s another song in this.
I have to say, though, that the footnote is my favorite part.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your integrity.
I am humbled by your honesty and ability to share with the world your inner most thoughts. Thank you.
Lisa, I agree about the footnote. Good to have a two week reprieve! Your words are beautiful. I feel like you’re in my head and through your words you are expressing what a lot of us with mets are feeling. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts. xoxo
SO HAPPY FOR THAT PAUSE BUTTON.
Far, far, far, far…. xo
Beautifully written, as always. Hope that you’re tolerating the increased chemo dose, and that the “pause” button remains pressed for a good long while.
Thank you, Lisa. This is beautiful.
So happy about the footnote!!!!!
You are a gifted and talented woman who is changing the world … Giving a voice to us with metastatic cancer…many times able to say what we cannot articulate. Thank you for your insight and clarity
I agree with Neil. The footnote was a perfect ending to this song.
Beautiful moving post… you continue to inspire me to live the best life I can…because if you are able to …in spite of everything thrown at you…then surely we should. The way you write how you feel is so incredibly beautiful…you are a stellar person Lisa…touching so many so poignantly…telling it how it is. Sending a warm hug from a rather chilly at the moment south africa …
Happy for the footnote. Beautiful song you have written here.
Beautiful poem or song (or both?). The beginning remembers me of a Dutch poem, which could be translated as ‘remember me, but not the days of sadness, remember me when the sun was bright, remember me what I was like when I could still do it all’ .
Glad to hear your marker decreases on the 10 mg Afinitor.
Thank you.
Very powerful piece, Lisa. Congrats on the pause button. Sending love, hugs and hope!
Thank you. Beautiful piece. So happy for the pause button.
wow-so powerful; i stopped breathing when i read it.
Beautiful, heartbreaking. Glad for the footnote. Love to you, Lisa.
<3 <3 <3
As I opened your post, “The Long and Winding Road” was playing in my office. This poem of yours is magic and should be put to music.
Beautiful. Retweeting!
I will always think of you as young and beautiful.
As always, you say what needs to be said so very perfectly.